THE UNTOLD STORY OF A LOVER

With a resolute flint in her eyes she decided she was not going to bother herself thinking about how it’s going to happen again! Every morning and night she thought about different guys and how nice it will be ,to be in a relationship with them. She imagined and fantasised about how wonderful it would look like to know that ,that part of her life is finally settled.

Hmmmm, that part, she thought about it and a cold shudder filled her. That part of her life has been the most painful part of her existence. They say love is beautiful but for Shade, it has only brought
pain and misery. Having dated four guys, she can’t help but look at girls who have stable relationship with envy, especially if the relationship involves guys that are tall, dark, rich, handsome and to cap it all godly. Her mouth twisted in a shy smile as she remembered how she used to say she wanted a guy who was godly, but the moment a guy comes around, she checks his financial capacity and every other detail before she considers his spirituality. That is if she even considers it at all! Most times, she vows that she will put God first in the equation of love, but somehow, the desire to be satisfied with other things seems to take the place of godliness.

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Then she remembered Kunle, the man she loved with all of her heart. Truth be told, she had loved every guy she had dated but her love for Kunle ranked tops in her hierarchy of love. Well, which girl wouldn’t? Kunle was every girl’s deepest dreams and physical reality. Kunle spoiled her and she knew it, he told her he loved her one million times in a day and that just made her swim, no, disappear in the ocean of love. He was just a little above average financially, he didn’t have so much compared to her previous relationships with big boys who could buy the whole of Lagos. But he had simplicity, he bought the whole world for her with the words of his mouth and also chose to spoil her with little things like hugs, kisses and yes, the ‘not so much money’ he had. He was her everything. She loved him like life itself. She wanted him to stay forever but like a smashing rushing wind, she was hit hard by the realization of the ignorance she had been in… Kunle had been cheating on her!

As she remembered her rage and pain, she almost wanted to burst into fresh sea of tears but she was quick to remind herself that the past is past. Just like Richard Marx rightly said in his 'The Other Side ' song, what’s gone is gone, what’s lost is lost. Lonely and defeated, no, not lonely, strong is the word, because she has been able to rise above the pain of her past and risk going into another relationship that just practically grinded the little love she had been able to gather from the broken pieces of her heart. She remembered her days of crying like a waterfall angry at life itself. Refusing to eat and bathe, so incapacitated that she couldn’t talk for days. What had she done to deserve all this pain?

Three years has gone by, but she can’t seem to find anyone capable of loving her. For the numerous guys that actually ask her out, she feels very wary of them, there is just something about them that is not right. Maybe it’s her biased conceptions, maybe it’s their lousy character flaw, she doesn’t know who has the problem, but she sure knows that the next guy to come into her life has to be the chosen one, no more no less. He has to be heaven approved, earth distinguished, and of course he must be capable of not breaking her heart. She scoffs as she thinks about this, does this kind of guy even exist?

Many times she has failed in an attempt to close her heart to love. Her heart wants to love, her heart doesn’t want to be lonely anymore. Her heart wants to be able to communicate with another heart who is either miles away or inches apart without the use of modern communication technology or oral communication. Times and times again, she has tried to tame this heart of hers but it has chosen to remain recalcitrant and disobedient to her. Let’s just say the heart was made to love and it is therefore just fighting for its right like Labour Union often times fight for their right for a decent life from those in governance. Since the poor heart has chosen to love love, instead of pumb blood, she has decided to follow her never give up heart into the shadows of fantasies and imagination that never sees the light of day. These imaginations are rather impossible because, the only guys she chooses as specimen for her imaginations are guys who only see her as a friend. Like today for instance, after service, she stared so hard at a handsome, tall glass of champagne walking towards her that he felt rather uncomfortable with her stare. Dear guy, please don’t ask her what she was thinking as she was staring at you because if your girlfriend hears it, it is enough to make them fight tooth and nail like the typical Tom and Jerry scenes we used to watch while we were kids. That in fact, is an understatement, because the fight will be so severe you will think World War Three has started!

Again, she was caught up in her fantasy, not the lewd kind of fantasy, but that kind of fantasy that breeds a love capable of making Romeo and Juliet jealous. A fantasy that comes from a sheer desire to be loved, cared for and shown what happiness really means when between two people, literally intertwined by the Alpha Himself falls in love. The touch, the smile, those secret giggles that passes through her lips at the mention of the guy’s name. The sweet smell of his cologne. Damn! She loves perfumes, her love for perfumes was what practically swept her off her feet when she met her last boyfriend who chose to leave her because he suddenly realized that all her had for her was just passing palpitation. What on earth does passing palpitation mean and how does that relate to the act of loving and love itself? That is a topic for another day, thinking about it now will just stir up an anger that has long died on her inside.

Back to her fantasies, she closes her eyes to let the thoughts stick, but unfortunately, these guys don’t see her, just like the saying goes, the heart chooses to love hearts that doesn’t choose it in return. These guys want friendship, period. That sickening feeling of been in the friend zone again. Disappointed and aggravated, she opens her eyes wide open. This is the last time it will ever happen. No more imaginations! If the guy of her dreams refuses to become a reality, let him stay in the realms of the surreal. Tired of the pain, weary by the burden and responsibility her heart places on her to love and be loved, she gives up!
Finally, she writes her heart a simple yet terrifying note;
DEAR HEART, YOU HAVE BEEN CREATED TO PUMP BLOOD, IF YOU CHOOSE TO FALL IN LOVE, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN! GBAM!!!

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